Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize