I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
