so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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