when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
