Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
