I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
