Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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