well most of my day revolves around power hour
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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