Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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