I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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