I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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