It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize