please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
