The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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