I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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