she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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