I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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