did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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