you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
