I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
