i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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