We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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