is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Tornado booty call.. dedication
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
