I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
