I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
