You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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