And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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