you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize