Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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