I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
