on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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