those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
