You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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