I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dicks are not precious.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
