Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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