to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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