even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
