I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
