he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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