It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
