Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
