Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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