your room smells of hookers.
And success
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
