On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
