Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
