On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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