My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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