nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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