my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
