i can't believe i had my finger in that
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
