did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize