and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
