she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
