TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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