I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
