I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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