we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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