I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm at about main and main street
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
