But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize