i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
