I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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