it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize