were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
