Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
